january RX: more fun

But the reminder is that if you want to change your habitual stuckness, you’re the only one who can do it. I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just talking about seeing how you always do the same habitual things when bad feelings—uneasiness, depression, fear—start coming up. You always do the same thing; you shut down in some habitual, very old way. Pema Chödrön in The Wisdom of No Escape

At the end of December I stepped back. Sleeping poorly and with a seized up neck and shoulders, I paused long enough to see how I was making things harder for myself and how I could choose simpler, even if just for the short term.

I think that starting in 2016—with the stress of planning the sale of the condo and the move on my own while working full-time plus the declining health of both cats (and let’s add the US election too)—I reverted to my factory settings for over-worry. I realized recently that, starting around the same time and related, I also kind of stopped really having … FUN.  And, so far, I’ve been taking my simpler living semi-retirement much too seriously.

When I think of the previous years in the PNW compared to my earlier adult years, 2007-2015 were low in worry and high in FUN. I no longer worried about $ and I had a lot of FUN on weekends—enjoying hikes, alpine scrambling, snowshoeing, camping, day trips, overnight trips, dates, sailing, movies, concerts. And I took yearly SUPER FUN hiking vacations with MAC.

On weekends in 2016 and 2017, I made time to see friends for coffee or a meal but the weekend focus was usually the to-do list. I had stopped hiking regularly. I was only away from the cats one night. By the time I left WA, I had created a new baseline for worry, stress, and a to-do list. Retirement wasn’t going to automatically relieve any of that. I simply replaced the causes for the stress I felt before the move with new worries.

Things started to shift in January: I took my first night away from the tiny house. I had lots of visits with family and old friends (including overdue visits with two friends I hadn’t seen since 2015). I made time to do something FUN with my 6-year old niece. I joined a biweekly card game with local friends. I had a massage therapist treat my neck and shoulders. I got a drop-in pass for a recreation center that has a swimming pool and yoga classes.

I’ve also been looking at my hiking photos lately. Since I moved here, I go for walks and I am outside regularly, but it is not the same as the impact I get from nature when I’m hiking on a longer trail. After a foot of fresh snow fell, I did some shoveling. Then, leaving most of the driveway to clear the next day, I grabbed my snowshoes and walked (with what felt like great cinematic purpose) across the road towards the water. Strapping on the snowshoes, I had fields of fresh snow to enjoy in the sunshine. I moved slowly and stopped frequently, my senses remembering the fix and the fun that I’ve been missing.

References and related links:

• PNW: Pacific Northwest.
• alpine scrambling: typically off-trail and un-roped (non-technical climbing) adventure to a summit.
• MAC: mon amie Caroline.
• The Wisdom of No Escape and the Path of Loving-Kindness by Pema Chödrön
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