distraction

I kept going. During a stressful spring, I rediscovered binge-reading. I needed some daily relaxation, particularly before going to sleep, but couldn’t focus on dharma books or other non-fiction. I found a series of 18 mysteries, the first written in 1970, that could be had used for less than the price of a latte. Books that were entertaining easy reads but also well-written and edifying. In other words, just right to distract me from my usual distractions of Netflix and social media.

On the long weekend, I finished the last book in the series. I also delivered four large boxes of STUFF to Good Will—most of it had been sitting in those boxes waiting for me to get a kick in the ass … since last summer.

Unloading the donations felt like a huge achievement, like I was getting back on track.  I wanted a gold star sticker.

I also had a couple reminders recently how my procrastination—or inaction—can also be a cause with an effect. During last year’s purge, I still hadn’t decided what to do with a teddy bear. My mother had had a few of these bears handmade to recycle a beloved great aunt’s old fur coat. To be clear, the fur had belonged first a very long time ago to a wild animal. It was such a shock when I unwrapped the gifted bear that I couldn’t disguise my distaste.  I won’t get into the details here of that interaction with my mother … just know that the bear was still in my possession and sitting on a closet shelf in 2015 while I decided whether I was supposed to surrender it to an animal rights org or what.

By the time I opened the closet door this year to get some spring t-shirts, the bear seemed even more disturbing than usual. I had a sense something was different, like it had turned its head to the side to look at me. When I got closer (very slowly), I saw that moths had found and partied on it through the winter, rearranging its face. The moths had made both the decision for me and the mess for me to clean up. A lesson remembered: sometimes procrastination may be inferred by others as delegation and even small sentient beings may act on your behalf.

Next post, I promise to write about my tiny house: the trailer is ordered and the design is in progress!