a loose thread

One evening as I was leaving my office to go home, I stopped to look out the window at the other high rise office and apartment towers and at the moon, all brightly lit and I thought: remember this.  In a couple years, you will be looking out at forest, at the darkness far away from a city and this will seem like a dream.  – from winter garden post, 01/28/2016.

A former colleague messaged me recently on LinkedIn.  I’m not on that site often so there I was suddenly looking at a long list of notifications showing who got promoted, a new title, a new job, or is working for a different company.  For a few anxious minutes, I missed it all.

Four years ago, I had just sold my condo, finished at work, and was busy wrapping up my life in WA before moving back to Nova Scotia.  When people ask, I tell them it was too much change all at once and I advise them not to do it the way I did.  But could I have done it any differently? 

step 1: sell your condo

I still have not unsubscribed from the email notifications telling me how much more the condo I sold is now worth.  I remain curious.  When I bought the condo, I deliberately chose something I could easily resell and that wasn’t simply “good enough” for me. I followed my plan for prepping and staging (it looked fabulous) and I got the quick sale I wanted.

• Do I miss anything? It was a big wonderful home for five years, but no.
• If I had a do-over, what would I do differently? 1) Work my way through the DIY projects faster.  2) Install the new hallway lights and bathroom faucets sooner so I could enjoy them.
• Any regrets? No. I did very well selling the condo and the buyers have done well too.

step 2: retire from your job

There was a retirement party for me before I left The Big Corporation (unusual there) and I enjoyed seeing so many colleagues.  I also visited former colleagues around campus.  I’m surprised/not surprised how few of them contact me but I know not being on social media is a factor and I’m just as responsible for reaching out. 

• Miss anything? I don’t miss my job but I still miss the incredible people I worked with, taking a coffee break from the chaos, going out for dinner after work, and the food at the on-site cafeteria. 
• Do-over? Nothing.
• Regrets? None.

step 3: say goodbye

Ah, so many goodbyes: colleagues, friends, beloved pets, mountains, favoUrite places.  In the 3.5 weeks between finishing work and moving, I visited many friends including enjoying a lovely final happy hour with my women hiking buddies.  The toughest farewell, of course, was a final goodbye to my beloved cat Toffus who was ill and passed days before I left.

• Miss anything? Absolutely still missing friends and those mountains. And an early spring. 
• Do-over? Nothing.
• Regrets? Not being better prepared for being with Toffus (and the vet) as he passed.

step 4: give your stuff away

I paid a company to haul away the big furniture from the condo before the sale closed in April.  I had been downsizing for three years but that final stretch in May was the toughest.  When MAC arrived from Atlanta to help with the drive, there was still a day’s worth of work sorting through stuff, shredding paper, and going to UPS and Good Will. I still remember the look on her face when she saw the pile of stuff.

• Miss anything? A small 1950’s live-edge table I’d picked up at a second-hand store and used as a night stand.
• Do-over? 1) Procrastinate less.  2) Keep some of the small stuff I donated/threw out in a final frenzy.  3) Donate more of the antiques I paid to send via UPS. 
• Regrets? None.

step 5: move across the continent

After contemplating different choices (including renting an RV or flying), I prepped my little car for the road-trip with a roof-rack and cargo box and bought a large soft-crate for my 17-year old cat, Greta.  MAC signed on to help me with the 6587 km (~4100 mile) drive. 

• Do-over? Nothing.
• Regrets? None.

And yet I feel there is something about the move that I’m still not over.  There’s a snagged thread I want to pull to smooth things out but I can’t find it.  Maybe I just hate thinking that those were my Glory Days and my happiest-most-fulfilled self is already in the past.  When I said my goodbyes, I also said goodbye to all the versions of myself I had grown through in the 11 years there—someone who finally got her driver’s license, ended an unhealthy relationship, got out of debt, became independent, became confident, had her heart broken, lost her mother.

But for the pandemic, I might have returned for a visit by now and the thing might have resolved.  As it is, I don’t feel I’m missing anything here, but at the same time I feel something important got left behind. 

References and related links:

• MAC: mon amie Caroline.
• stuffed (post #72)
• hang in there (post #69)
• winter garden (post #56)