“I’m a great believer in men and women working, and I’m not necessarily saying you have to have a career. I think you have to get out of the house and do something on a sustained basis that is impersonal – something that takes your focus away from yourself and your personal problems.”- Lesley Stahl answering the question “What do you think is most important to living a healthful, low-stress life?”
I turned 50 last week and, along with thinking of working a lot less in my living simpler plan, I’m wondering what retirement will eventually look like. I’m not worried about being bored when I have less work hours, I’m concerned about having more time for negative and ungenerous thoughts.
I had a few voluntary minimally-employed years in my 20’s and, part of that time, was depressed. Getting a paying job outside of the home was one of the tools to help cure my depression*.
For years, I had the above quote by journalist Lesley Stahl on my fridge about the importance of doing something outside the house that takes our minds off our personal issues – and that could be volunteering, not just paid work. I embraced that. Throwing myself into a situation where I suddenly had to pay rent and make enough $ to support myself, I found I didn’t have time any longer for depression.
As a hausfrau, my mind was consumed with negativity, paranoia about what others thought of me, jealousy about my successful husband, and self-pity. Years later, I experienced the other side: living with an insecure partner whose unemployment increased the frequency of his jealous accusations. When my mind is consumed with work, I simply have little time for anxiety in my personal life.
I’m curious what people are really thinking when they say “I’m not ready for retirement” – if it’s not a necessity of $, are they worried about having that much spare time with their mind? Is it about keeping the mind busy so they don’t get bored? As we age, what happens as we get physically more limited and are suddenly alone more with our minds? It’s a reminder to me that mind training through meditation is a necessary preparation not just for my current busy daily life, but for impending old age, sickness and death.
With my lofty plans to ultimately scale back to a 2-hour work day, it’s natural that I’m reminded of that previous time when I was depressed while minimally employed. But I believe I have tools now for not getting consumed with negative thoughts when I stop working so much. The time my minimal schedule opens up for Dharma studies, mind-training, and activism will be instrumental along with crucial new skills that I’m developing as I age: the awareness and willingness to ask for help.
References
- *My depression is my depression. I figured out my own resolution, but I recommend anyone suffering from depression to please please please see a professional for guidance. What worked for me may not be the right prescription for you.
- no time to lose
Neil says
True, 50 does give one pause for thought. Your thoughts and points are well taken. Not sure I dwelt on it – a different time. I enjoyed my work with no thought of changing my job or retiring. My job and I were very compatible with minimal stress. I was able to teach one university course a year for three or four years which helped in the transition. Teaching cartooning was a fun thing which still gave me a sense of being in the classroom.
Free time never bothered me. I like thinking, dreaming, creating. Comic ideas used to be generated on the couch as well as at the drawing board. Maybe even playing solitaire. :). Going to sleep was sometimes difficult when ideas for novels or comic strips raced through my head.
Some people are not comfortable being alone or with free time. They need to be involved with others and doing something; perhaps they are uncomfortable with thoughts. Perhaps they don’t want to examine their thoughts, their lives, …
Retirement offers one a chance to do things they may not have had time to do before. It works best if one has hobbies and interests and volunteer activities. It isn’t a full-time vacation. One can’t afford it; nor would I want it. But it is a time to re-examine and re-energize one’s life.
It can cause a problem with a spouse, Mom pointed out that she hadn’t retired. I tried to do somethings to help her. We could do more together but we also had our individual worlds of friends, committees and activities to continue.
The computer and my interest in it, both the internet and desktop publishing and graphics, really helped fill any void from loss of teaching time. The LWSH museum provided both a volunteer activity and a tie with the college.
Instead of giving you advice and support, I seem to have drifted into reflecting on my own retirement. You are wise to think ahead and plan for your change in direction in your life. If I can help, feel free to send your questions this was.
As usual, your blog entries are thoughtful and well-written, not rambling and wordy as mine.